Sunday, November 23, 2008

Beer Hat Hootenanny

What up, ya'll? Yeah, you heard me!

So Obama is our new president.

All things considered, I'm still pretty happy. He is far from being an ideal candidate, but I cannot stress enough how glad I am that Hillary "She-Beast" Clinton is not our leader-to-be. Seriously. If that bitch was going to take control, I would have an aneurysm and shit myself (quite possibly simeultaneously). So, straight up, halle-fucking-lujah. No joke, people.

That said, he still worries me.

And before you send yourself into a pantiwadulous shit fit: no, it is not because he is black. Frankly, I'm kind of glad that for the first time since this country's inception, the part of The President will not be played by "Some White Guy". It's nice to show the rest of the world that, on the rarest of occasions, we actually practice what we preach. We said all men were equal, and we stuck to those words, by fuck. Doctor King would shit a squirrel if he were alive today.

But, like I said, I have a problem.

Black president? Neato!

Socialist president? Oooooo...gonna have to Yeah, no thank you. Not my glass of vodka, as some would say.

True, he's not among the most gun-hatingest Democrats, and therefore does not raise my hackles in that department. For once, a Democrat has me worried about economic policies! Go figure, right? I never would have seen that one coming; but, here we are.

Economics! Shit in a bag. Country's on the verge of going into a full-on fucking tailspin, and this dude's talking about creating new jobs!

Mm. Okay. Quick question. How?! Companies are hemorrhaging money left and right, then shutting down completely. We're in a damn recession. Where in the hell are these new jobs going to come from? Seriously, where? Our soon-to-be president was unmercifully vague on that point. I mean, unless his plan to create more jobs revolves around picking a fight with Russia and reinstating the draft. You know: Working for the military is technically a job, and if you're employed and you get drafted, someone else gets your job. So in theory, going to all-out war would create milions of jobs! Hooray for our side! Everybody wins!

(By the way, if that actually happens, someone totally owes me a beer. Seriously.)

Honestly, though, what the fuck is going on with our economy? "We are not in a recession."

My ass! Fuckin'...oh, wow. Yowza. I think I'm having a damn aneurysm.

Salaam Aleykum, Bitches!


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