Ok. So you're actually suicidal enough to want to know more about me? Very well.
Here we go. 60 things about me that you didn't know.
(Editor's Note: this took nearly a year and a half to complete; it is only just now being published.)
1. I'm a whore for good Mexican food and greasy burgers
2. My dream car is a 1973 Chevy El Camino, metallic blue, with a 454 under the hood. 'Nuff said.
3. I'm semi-fluent in Spanish and know sign language. I speak some Arabic, and am currently learning German, Vietnamese, and Siksika(the Blackfoot language).
4. I have never been truly in love. Deep affection or/or attraction, but never love. I think.
5. I have never done any drugs, but I did once imbibe an unpleasantly large quantity of
Absinthe, due to the fact that I did not know what it was at the time. I have since educated myself on the subject.
6. I love the smell of freshly oiled leather.
7. Bach's
Tocatta and Fugue in D Minor is one of the few musical pieces that can place me in a near catatonic state. It starts playing and I lock in like a missile. Sucks when I'm driving. I've loved this song since before I could talk.
8. I have the worst sense of balance in the world. I cannot skateboard, rollerblade, rollerskate, surf, snowboard, ski (water or snow), and log rolling is just plain out of the question.
9. I like to dress in a very intimidating manner when going to my classes; then, when I leave to go to my car, I get in, roll the windows down, wink at the nearest group of fetching young ladies, then peal out of the parking lot blasting "I Feel Pretty" from my stereo. Their shocked expressions are absolutely priceless.
10. I have a great fondness for firearms, particularly older ones. The only weapons I have ever been willing to buy are either antique, surplus, or new reproductions. The bigger and shinier they are, the less likely I am to buy them.
11. I love working with animals, especially horses. They have a gentility and grace that I find soothing. Plus, if a horse gets pissed off at you, you usually deserve it.
12. I get hit on by more men than women. Why this is, I'm not quite sure, exactly. But it has definitely deterred me from frequenting bars all that often.
13. I can play the trombone, the
bodhran, the jaw harp, the spoons, the washboard, and, of course, the jug, and as of a few months ago, the digeridoo.
14. My family more or less considers me to be the walking reincarnation of my Great-Grandfather.
15. I specifically act like an idiot so that most people won't find me threatening. Whenever I don't, I tend to scare the shit out of people.
16. I tend to drive myself crazy because I'm a homebody with a serious case of wanderlust. Confused? Join the club.
17. The Disney version of Sleeping Beauty is one of my favorite movies of all time.
18. Before I get too much older, I want to go on a vision quest. Not a "smoke a shitload of
peyote and weed and see what happens" sort of thing. A search for oneself out in the wilderness, hitting rock bottom, so that one's true purpose might be revealed. This is a true vision quest.
19. When I listen to music, it has to match my mood. I can't listen to Bowling For Soup or Grandpa Jones or Cass Elliot when I'm pissed or sad. Nor can I listen to Korn, Wagner, or Linkin Park when I'm in a cheery mood. The blues, however, is neutral.
20. I look damn good in a kilt.
21. I do not look good in a baseball cap. As a point of fact, they make me look like I'm about twelve years old.
22. I have been called both a tease and a flirt. By both sexes, no less.
23. I'm incapable of calling someone my "best friend". Every time I have ever tried, the other person hasn't reciprocated.
24. I love the smell of wet earth during the first rain of the season. I find it euphoric.
25. I am the kind of guy that is largely overlooked by women in my age group now, but will be exactly what they're all looking for in ten years. Naturally, I'm just thrilled about this prospect. In ten years, I can have my pick of women who are certified, pre-fucked. Joy.
26. I don't really play sports, because I'm not very competitive. Well, not exactly. Unless it's a matter of life and death, I'm not very competitive. If it's not worth punching somebody in the throat over, I really don't see what the point is in getting all worked up.
27. I practice both knife and tomahawk throwing. Not competitively, just for shits and giggles.
28. I love scented candles. 'Nuff said.
29. I prefer women with curves, but the last three women I've had real feelings for have been small enough for me to use as a weapon. Go figure.
30. I have deliberately farted on a sleeping cat. I wasn't even that bored.
31. In spite of that last tidbit, I love cats.
32. I also love dogs.
33. But not as much as I love seafood fettuccine alfredo.
34. In high school, I hated System of a Down's
Steal This Album!, because it dared to question the Bush regime. It is now one of my favorite albums. Especially when I've just completed a rant.
35. When I graduated high school, I was a full-blown soldier of the Republican party. After several years of learning things on my own, without the aid of television, I am more and more becoming a staunch Libertarian.
36. I have never been high. As far as I know, anyways.
37. I rather preferred Jessica Alba as a brunette. The first time I saw her was on
Dark Angel, and that was the look that enchanted me. Mexican chicks do not look good as blondes.
38. However, some black women do; depending, of course, on both shade of blonde and skin tone. Example: Eve. I would do all kinds of cheeky things with that woman!
39. I like some white chicks, but if they're super pale, it's a real turn off.
40. I have never been arrested. Couple close calls, though!
41. I hate wearing boxers.
42. I believe quite strongly in Personology. If you don't know what that is, take the time to educate yourself on the matter.
43. I am an extremely easy-going person. But when I get pissed off, there's no middle ground. Instead of going from 0 to 60, I go from 0 to about 150. To put it delicately, I have rage issues.
44. I have only been in two actual fights in my life. One when I was in Kindergarten, and the other a little over 2 years ago. I won both of them.
45. I have had bullets fly past my head more times than I can count. Almost all of them were completely unintentional, i.e. the person didn't see me, or I accidentally wandered onto a shooting range. But once, just once, the bullet was oh-so-very deliberate. Don't ask.
46. I'm a Leo-Virgo Cusp kid, born in the Week of Exposure. Again, Personology.
47. I learned Spanish for real at my first job, which was an orchard worker. Basically, it was me and 7 Mexican nationals. My Spanish got real good real fast.
Ay, raza.
48. Hard as I try, I am just never going to be a "poetry person". I am oddly okay with this.
49. My favorite physical feature on myself would have to be my hands. They are rough and covered with scars, yet still strangely delicate. They're beat to shit, but I'm proud of the fact that they got that way from working hard. I love working with my hands, using them to build and create things.
50. There is a significant possibility that I am Bipolar. There is also a significant possibility that I am not Bipolar, I just developed behavioral norms from watching my Mom, who is Bipolar.
51. I occasionally get visions of the future in my sleep, but they are never of anything useful. For example: me sitting in a Denny's at 2 in the morning, arguing with Frostbyte as to whether or not an avocado has a skin or a rind. See? Useless. My sister, however, gets full-on visions and premonitions. Rights of the firstborn, I suppose.
52. Though my visions are completely useless, I do get what I call "vibes". In essence, I can feel when something bad is about to happen. The day my buddy wrecked out on his motorcycle, I had had stomach cramps all that morning. And I don't get stomach cramps. My gut's like an iron cauldron: it does not get upset easily. One day my senior year, I found myself abruptly short of breath, like I had just been punched in the solar plexus. Found out a couple weeks later that at approximately the same time as I had found myself short of breath, on the other side of the world my cousin's humvee had been hit with mortar fire in Iraq. He survived, by the way.
53. I am extremely shy in person. That is, until you get to know me. Then all hell breaks loose.
54. I have never been in a three-way. Did get an offer once, but it was not a pleasant one. Naturally, I declined.
55. If anyone ever tried to harm someone I truly care about, I would end said aggressor without any hesitation. No joke.
56. I have an almost comically high pain threshhold.
57. I will resist even when there is no chance of victory.
58. I do my best work when I'm strapped for time and out of options.
59. I have never blacked out while drunk. I remember every unpleasant detail.
60. I am not afraid of death. It's what follows that causes me to be concerned.
