Thursday, March 30, 2006

What to do if you're locked in a washing machine with an angry badger:

1.) Figure out how the hell you got in the washer in the first place
2.) Train the badger to genuflect and sing "Blue Moon of Kentucky"
3.) Wrap your underpants around your hand, and use it to break through the glass*
4.) Go to the nearest liquor store and purchase a bottle of Malibu for the badger and a bottle of
Jagermeister for yourself
5.) Drink all of it
6.) Moon the ambassador of Uzbekistan
7.) Take a nap (trust me, you've earned it.)

*I am of course referring to washers found in a laundromat. If you find yourself locked in a washer with a steel door, then you are, quite literally, screwed.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006


Once again, all the stupid bastard morons in Washington D.C. are trying to screw immigrants here illegally. The bill they are debating right now would make it a felony to be an illegal immigrant. Quick question: If these immigrats are deported, who the hell is going to work the fields, orchards, and vinyards? You can bet your sweet ass that most native-born people aren't going to do it, we're too pampered (mostly). Yes, they are taking away jobs from citizens, but the jobs they take are ones that most citizens wouldn't ever do on purpose. I, however, have worked as an orchard worker, and I can say from personal experience that most native-born people would not be able to handle that workload for great pay, much less for the chump change that illegal aliens are willing to do it for. And furthermore, anyone east of the Mississippi should shut the fuck up when it comes to illegal immigrants, specifically people from the New England region, on account of that whole area tends to piss me off. The only people who should have a say in the matter should be those in the westernmost states, where the economy is most reliant on cheap labor from south of the border. That's right, accept the fact that most of the people in question are...dum dum dum...Latino!!! I was watching the news this morning, and one of the politicians going on tv in support of this bill was a senator from New Jersey. NEW JERSEY! Fuck those greasy bastards! How much of their economy relies on immigrant labor? None! On the northeast coast, illegal aliens are a luxury item, serving as houekeepers and such, but here on the west coast, they are absolutely essential to our economy, and our survival. People who don't need the help these aliens are willing to give should not have a say in what happens to them. And lastly: Thank God for John McCain. As always, he is bastion of reason in a great boiling sea of flagrant flaming asshattery. Allah hoo'mah ah'nah. (may God be with us)

Ah Salaam aleah coom, Bitches!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Como se dice...peckerhead?

Talked to Dirty Viking this week. Seems he plans on buying the same kind of rifle I got. And I say more power to him; surplus rifles are a real bargain. For an almost ridiculously low price, you can acquire a weapon built to military specifications, which means it is durable, accurate, and easy to maintain. An excellent vessel through which you can properly enjoy your second amendment rights. As a point of fact, I think anyone who is interested in buying a gun should start out buying a surplus rifle. Well, that's my thought for the week.

Ah Salaam aleah coom, Bitches!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Aaaaaand there it is.

Well, I don't have much to piss and moan about this week. Well, I do, but I just don't f*%$ing feel like it. That said, keep on being homley, everybody.

Ah Salaam aleah coom, Bitches!

Thursday, March 09, 2006


Well, it's official: I am an armed citizen! Just picked up my rifle a couple of days ago, and I've been prepping it ever since(surplus rifles require a decent amout of cleaning before they can be fired). Soon enough, I will have mounds of ammunition for it, and the squirrels will once again face the wrath of the CRAZY BASTARD! God, I love excercising my constitutional rights.

Ah Salaam aleah coom, Bitches!