Just so it's on the record:

I fucking hate boxers. Not the fighters, the undergarments. They are not comfortable to wear!

Having said that, there are always people who say,"But they're more roomy!"

Well, you know what? Unless you have a foot-long dick( and you know who you are ), boxers are completely useless. In the words of comedian Steve Mcgrew: "Boxers are just a piece of cloth that covers your balls, as they slap against the inside of your leg." And on top of all that, unless you have little chicken legs, boxers ride up: giving you a wedgie and squashing your nuts much more severely than they ever were when you wore the oft-maligned "tighty-whiteys".

To those who claim that boxers raise your sperm count, I will say this:

"Listen, fucko! Consider, for a moment, to whom you are speaking.
Do you really like the idea of me breeding? I mean, holy shit, just
think about it! A dozen or so little versions of me running around
this little dirtball planet. Good Lord, can you imagine the chick
version of me? Crap in a bag, she'd be a walking train wreck! And
God forbid any of them end up attaining some position of power!
Fuck me, that's a scary notion. Dear shit in heaven, are you fucking
kidding me? Increase my sperm count? In what fucking world would
that be considered a good idea? Wear boxers? Shee-it. I'd rather
suckerpunch a grizzly bear. Increased sperm count, my ass. Are you out of
your fucking mind? You know what? Slag off, and die in whatever way
seems best to you. Jackhole."

And that's a direct quote.


Having said that, I will admit that boxer briefs are okay. Just not in the summer. Chaffing is not fun.



Salaam Aleykum, Bitches!

I'm pretty sure that no one has ever written this before. Ever.

Uggle bump fizz, the goose is on the loose. Chocolate-covered spandex! How can I lose? Descending of the testicles is highly overrated. Platypus cabbage feet. Booble. Booble bobble beeble. Irate giraffe. That's what she said, Officer! 7,3,7 3 1. And you can take that car and drive it down a hill, as far as I'm concerned! The wind in the willows, or maybe wool garters. I love Portuguese women, they touched my hoo-hah. If you can't take the heat, don't set yourself on fire! Jackass. I hope you make rough love to a mountain goat, and he doesn't call you in the morning! And that's how I learned the true meaning of Columbus day. Sixguns of Empire! God shave the Queen!

Priceless.




I'M DONE NOW.