Bastards Aplenty

Democratic candidates for governor of California are Steve Westly, a developer, and Phil Angelides, a developer. In short, they're both douchebags who will unboubtedly use their political clout to further the urban development of California for their friends. Whatever happened to the scumbags from the days of yore? I mean, sure, they'd ride through the villages burning houses and having their way with the womenfolk, but at least they were up front and honest about it. They'd look you right in the eye and say,"We're going to steal your valuables, burn your house to the ground, then have group sex with your wife!" You see? Honest.

Plus, you could kill them and not feel bad about it.

Salaam Aleykum, Bitches!

Some thought for food:

Laxative: An anal decongestant

Fearlessness: A lack of death perception

Wang: A name in China, a cock in the U.S.

Do lobsters get constipated? If so, how does it affect me?

I can't be sure, but I think that Xiang Xiyi's name is actually pronounced Burffle-Jug Jones.

Hooray for boobies!

Well played.

It seems like Iraq's prime minister is a real ass-kicker. He seems pretty adamant about getting Iraq's shit in gear, saying that he hopes to have Iraqi troops take over for the U.S. ihn about a year and a half. But at least he's realistic. He wants the Iraqi troops to take the reins, but he wants to keep some American troops in Iraq as a rapid response force, which is a pretty good idea. And to top it all off, in a public address, he gave a shout out to all of the parents of American soldiers, saying that hopefully their sons and daughters would be coming home soon. He also offered his condolences to the parents of soldiers who have died in Iraq. So far, this guy seems pretty cool. Here's to hoping that he doesn't turn out to be a douchebag!

Salaam Aleykum, Bitches!

Ho ride. Take it sleazy.

It frightens me to say this, but generation X and, to a lesser extent, generation Y2K, may very well be the last hard-working generations in the U.S. Think about it: The kids being raised today are being spoiled, pampered, and over-protected like no generation before. Due to the technological revolution, many children think everything is just a mouse-click away. And just look at the toys they play with! I went to a toys'r'us the other day, and it took me a damn half-hour to find a toy that didn't have any special gadgets or abilities, other than basic articulation. Everything was spring-loaded, talking, lazer-show, genuine horse-fucking action, etc. Also makes Julie-Anne's fries! I rant further, but I'm a little to uppity right now, and I find that typing taxes me. My brain hurts. I may update later this week; then again, I might not. Who knows? I know I sure as hell don't.

Salaam Aleykum, Bitches!

Dumbass

Well, I just did something stupid. While dicking around on myspace, I stumbled upon Rack's page. Of course, being the self-devastating motherfucker that I am, I went to it. Stupid, stupid, stupid fucking mistake. As always, she's happy with some other guy. Specifically, some other guy who isn't me.Damn. I know, I should be happy for her, but I'm not. I'm usually gracious in defeat, but in this case, I say fuck being the bigger person. I'm tired of it. But, the good Lord never closes a door with out opening up a window; I'm hoping that that window will open soon, because it's getting kind of stuffy in here. Shit. Well, maybe the Hmong Beauty and I will work out, in'shah'allah. All I can do now is stand tall, and hope for the best. Such is the way of things. Ah, malesh.

I'll do a regular post later.

Salaam aleykum, Bitches!

Not gonna happen.

Okay, this is one of my few truly hardcore right-wing thoughts: There is no way in hell that the national anthem should be sung in Spanish. Now, it has already been established that I am usually on the side of the Spanish speakers, but in this case I will make an exception. The United States, for better or worse, is an English-speaking country. And though a large percentage of the population speaks Spanish, the national anthem is not a point of fucking negotiation. Living in California, I both understand and accept that many people living in this country do not speak English. I also understand and accept the fact that English is one of the most difficult and complex languages in the world, and not only is it a hard tongue to master, but some people just don't learn other languages easily. I can sympathize. But the national anthem was written in English, and should only be sung in English. Period. End of discussion.

Salaam Aleykum, Bitches!

A Poetic Interlude:

Up the hill and down the dale,
Shoot a harpoon at a whale.
Smack a Ukrainian hooker's ass
While rolling naked in the grass.
When at the table, masticate.
When in your friend's car, flatulate.
Now tie your tube socks 'round a cat,
This had no point, but what of that?

Thank You.

All's well that bends well

Things are back to normal. The Hmong beauty is still talking to me, and has dismissed the entire unpleasant affair as a simple misunderstanding. God, she's awesome. And smart. And short. Really short. Like, four-foot-something short. Still cute , though. Damn cute. Asian chicks rule.

Salaam Aleykum, Bitches!

10 things you might not know about me, and will probably wish you didn't.

1. I have always felt mysteriously drawn to the middle east. The culture, the history, the language; I just find myself drawn to them.

2. I once had a pet scorpion named Roy for a grand total of two hours. He got smashed by an automatic garage door when the motor went haywire.

3. I don't generally go for blonde, blue-eyed white chicks. I like 'em swarthy!

4. I like to sing Barbershop quartet music.

5. I like scented candles, especially pomegranate.

6. I study Reflexology.

7. I once worked for a horse breeder for three months, and learned to train horses.

8. I hate low-flow toilets with a fiery passion.

9. I can't eat oatmeal because it makes me gag.

10. I have never had someone who was in love with me. (I'm a sad, lonely man.)

Crazy Bastard fucks things up again!

Okay, so long story short: There is this cute little Southeast Asian woman in my class, and she and I have been flirting for some time now. She seems to like me and I like her. Cool.

Here's what went wrong: She turns to me after hearing my speech on the Basques, in which I also mentioned the Hmongs, and asked me if I knew that she was a Hmong. Choosing to be honest, I told her that I had no idea she was a Hmong. She mulled this over for a minute, then asked me what I had thought she was before. Before I could catch myself, I told her that I had thought she was Cambodian. Big mistake. Telling a Hmong that you thought they were Cambodian is like telling an Israeli you thought they were Palestinian.

End result: She hasn't spoken to me in several days. Dammit.


Also, I need to correct a mispronunciation. My bad.

Salaam Aleykum, Bitches!

Ponderings at 3 in the morning

Mastication: It sounds dirty, but you can do it in front of your grandparents!
Nipples: Who the hell decided to call them that? Why not call them "Launchpads to Adventure"?
Lugubrious: I know what it means, but it still sounds dirty.
Bucolic: Same as above.
Fast food places are always a hell of a lot more fun at three in the morning.
Women always find me much more charming at this time of the night.
There are dirty movies on Cinemax!
I like pudding. No, really, I mean it: I like pudding.
Hampsters have nipples.
For that matter, so do I. Not sure why, though.
My wang itches.
Microwave burritos kick ass!
Hawaiian women are unimagineably hot.
That is all.

Well, here goes nothing. I got tagged, so deal with it.

I Am: Loyal, given to reciprocation, brown and proud, imaginitive, compassionate
I Want: A fucking girlfriend!!!, a decent job, a '73 El Camino, a Springfield M1A, a viable third political party!
I Wish: Life wasn't so complicated, that everybody could agree not to fuck each other over, that I wasn't so damn crazy, that all my friends and family will find eventually find their true calling in life
I Hate: Abusive people, shitty parents who don't discipline their kids, anyone who hates other people simply because of slight differences in culture or skin tone, anyone who says that violence has never solved anything, anyone who would impose on my rights guaranteed me by the Constitution, white supremacists, Janjuwi
I Miss: My Grandparents living next door, my friends off in the military, Rack, every damn time I see her, my absolute faith in the system, the innocence of childhood
I Fear: Chucky, suffocation, dying alone, losing all of my friends, outright failure
I Hear: Some Nickelback song playing upstairs
I Wonder: What my purpose in life is
I Regret: Not asking Beth out in high school, assorted other failings
I Am Not: Good at algebra, as forgiving as I should be, mentally stable all the time, as honest as I once was
I Dance: When I really love the music, when I'm naked and standing in front of the air conditioner vent, when I've got someone to dance with (preferrably a woman, but hey, I'm not picky!)
I Sing: When I feel like it, or the air conditioner thing
I Cry: When I am completely enraged, when I get tired of fighting against the whole fucking ocean
I Am Not Always: able to help my friends when they truly need it, tactful, honest, patient with people who irritate me, a gentleman
I Make: people laugh their asses off, stupid mistakes, decisions both good and bad, bitchin' feta burgers, friends occaisionally
I Write: My political thoughts, my insane thoughts, occaisional erotica
I Confuse: Every single motherfucker I've ever met, fantasy with reality
I Need: For the few remaing friends I have to stay with me, to find a good woman, to get my shit together, to pick a path in life
I Have: a big ass, great friends, a yowly-howly dog
I Love: Walking in the moonlight, the few friends I have, learning
I Should: Be more outgoing, do all the things I say I'm going to do, pick a path in life, lose some weight
I Tag: Nobody, really. But, if the Dirty Viking or Poquito Rojo feel like it, they are more than welcome to.

Oy, yu! Mynd yer heed!

So, me and the Dirty Viking went to the Scottish Games this weekend, and experienced a cavalcade of fine pointy things, and even finer women, who had their own pointy things for us to admire. By the way, have I ever mentioned that I love bodices? Yes, well, I do. Then D.V. and I hung out and watched The Man Who Would Be King; excellent movie by the way. And that's the story of how I saved Flag Day. Goodbye children! Stay in school, if for no other reason than to diddle your teachers when you reach High School! Fare thee well!

Ah Salaam aleah coom, Bitches!